In Which Big Momma Opens Up a Can of Whoop-Ass

And by Big Momma, I don't mean me, although arguably I am growing bigger by the day.

If spanking upsets you, please skip this.  Really.  Do NOT read any further.

Me?  I am a graduate of the school of Dr. James Dobson, and earned my Master's from Dr. Pauline Schaefer, both of whom espouse spanking under the appropriate circumstances...but alas The Great Spank Debate is not my purpose for this entry...just warning the gentle spirits to look away.

As a huge fan of The Well Applied Butt Whoopin', I have roundly enjoyed the south, where I have witnessed a wide variety of well earned whoopin's as well as ear twistin's, and arm twistin's.  In public.  In California, they're trying to outlaw spanking - anywhere.  

If this measure passed, I'd be in jail.  I won't lie...I've had some difficult days when three hots and a cot has held huge appeal to me...but if I go down, it will absolutely not be for disciplining my children as I see fit.  

That being said, we have a family friend - a young man, who is about to get married, and we were chatting about his plans for a family, and his beliefs about parenting.  He floored me by telling me how his mom used to keep he and his four brothers in line with the well deserved butt whoopin's.  Even more hysterically, when the rascals were misbehaving in the care of their grandmother, she'd send them out back to 'pick out a switch...make it a green one, so it doesn't break when I whoop ya with it!'  

At this point, I'm laughing so hard I'm about to pee my pants (and I'm not kidding, my bladder is ruined, people) and expecting him to share how he will never lay a hand on his children.

Instead, he tells me he and his wife intend to pattern themselves after his mother...right down to her 'scary eyebrows' that could freeze your blood.  He was adorable.  He loved and respected his mother, and had a great relationship with his parents...  :)

He then proceeds to tell me that his two little sisters, in the first grade, have a friend who lives with grandma.  Now follow this, because THIS is where it becomes the best story I have ever heard...the twins came home and shared this morsel...

The little girl who lived with her grandma got tired of taking orders to do ridiculous things like, pick up her room, and clear the table, so when she was complaining at school one morning, another child wisely apprised her of her rights:  you know, you don't have to do what that ol' biddy say.  If she spank you, you can call the PO-lice!

This little girl went home, prepared to rebel.  That afternoon, when grandma told her to pick up her schoolbag and take it to her room, and set the table for dinner, she sassed:  I don't have to do what you say, and if you try to put a butt whoopin' on me, I'm gonna call the PO-lice on you!

Grandma put her in the car and drove her to their local police station.  

The girl feels very victorious when they enter, until Grandma announces to the desk sergeant:  Officer, I'm gonna put a butt whoopin' on this here girl for disobeyin' and being sassy in general.  She tole me she was gonna you all if I did that, so I thought I would save you all the trip to my house.

And proceeds to put a butt whoopin' on her granddaughter in the presence of the desk sergeant, who, when she was done, said:  ma'am, that was the best butt whoopin' I seen in a long time.

Can words express how much I love the south?  No, they can NOT!  Suuuure, it might take me three days to figure out if I'm being insulted, but where else can I take my kid for that kind of Scared Straight program, baby?